Don't Shut the Door
When someone compliments your outfit, do you receive it by simply saying, “thank you” or are you more likely to deflect by saying you got it on sale or it’s been hanging in your closet for years? When someone compliments your work, do you say, “thank you” and receive it or do you tell them all the others whose work went into the outcome or some other deflection? When someone compliments your decorating, creativity, gardening, baking do you say, “thank you” and receive it, or do you add some kind of comment to your reply deflecting and diminishing the other person’s sentiment?
It is fascinating to me that so many of us deeply want to be validated, acknowledged, seen, appreciated, and loved, and yet, when that comes our way, we can’t let it in. We don’t fully allow ourselves to receive the very thing we want.
Imagine that you are home one afternoon, and your doorbell rings. You aren’t expecting anyone, so you brace yourself for a solicitor. (Just me?) When you open the door, a friend is standing there with a beautifully wrapped gift, and she holds it out to you and says, “Hi. I brought this for you. I saw it and had to get it for you. Thank you for being you.” You look at her and tell her that it isn’t your birthday or a special occasion and you can’t accept it. You close the door and leave her holding her gift.
Energetically this is what we are doing when we deflect compliments or any words of validation, praise, and love. We are closing the door on the giver, leaving them holding the gift.
Why is it so hard for us? Why are we so unwilling to receive the good, the love, the praise, the acknowledgment, the validation?
The answer contains words like “worth,” and “enoughness,” and “vulnerability,” and “courage.” Most people think ego is a braggadocious, boastful beast - and the truth is for most of us, ego is more of a diminisher that will keep you small, keep you stuck in self-doubt. Ego makes you think you can’t handle feeling your feelings or let them in either. Ego is the voice that makes you believe that “humble” is the key to being “good.” That diminishing ourselves is somehow righteous. Ego is also the voice that puts us smack into comparison, feeling less than, and coveting what others have. Ego is a mess.
Ego, that pesky voice in your head clamoring on and on and on, is keeping you from receiving the gifts – from others, as well as the truth from yourself.
Here’s what I know about you. YOU are wiser than you think, deeper than you admit, and stronger than you give yourself credit. YOU can do hard things, AND you can allow love in.
What if for today, you trade in any story that you are not validated, noticed, acknowledged, loved, and you decide to do it for yourself.
Where to start?
1. Decide that from now on, when someone gives you the gift of a compliment, you will say, “Thank you.” Yep. That’s it. Nothing after to whittle it down or diminish. Simply reply, “Thank you,” while allowing yourself to really take it in and receive the sentiment into your heart.
2. Practice validating, acknowledging, and complimenting yourself.
Do this for the next week and let me know how it goes! In my experience, great transformation happens when we learn to let love in, accept compliments, and allow others to give to us from their heart.
Let’s start now. You look lovely today!
With Deep Appreciation,
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