HOW ARE YOU?

How are you? How are YOU? No really, HOW ARE YOU?

I will never forget when my kids were three and maybe six months, and both were sick. My husband was traveling for work and neither one of them had been sleeping well at night or during their naps because of congestion. If they did sleep, it wasn’t at the same time. I finally schlepped the kids into see our pediatrician when I started thinking this was more than a cold. Dr. Burns walked in and did the normal inquiry and examinations of the kids. Then she turned to me and said, “How are you, Jill?”

I don’t remember exactly what I said, something quick, maybe sitting up a little straighter, “I’m fine.”

She paused and held her gaze at me, “No really, how are YOU?” And just like that the tears welled up. The simple act of my children’s doctor caring enough to take a moment out of her busy schedule to ask me how I was holding up was so kind, so thoughtful and so unexpected that it brought me to tears. I felt seen, validated, and maybe even loved.

Friend, you are masterful at carrying on and getting things done. You are practiced at stuffing your feelings so you can show up for your people and your work with brave faces. This is not a bad thing, it’s kind of your superpower.

It also is not self-love. It is not sustainable and it leads to all kinds of not awesome manifestations from numbing out on social media or one too many glasses of wine, to the inability to sleep, chronic anxiety, and more.

I see you. I know you. I coach you. I am you.

We are persevering with determination. It is imperative to BE Dr. Burns for ourselves! To pause and ask, “How are you? No really, how are YOU?” Acknowledge yourself, validate your feelings, love yourself for who you are and how much you care and how hard you try.

Underneath everything you have going on in your own life, there is a weighted blanket of collective trauma pressing down on all of us. There’s no amount of coaching that will “poof” take that away for you. I do not coach women who turn away or turn a blind eye to the realities of what’s going on in our country. In fact, I attract high achievers, with high levels of empathy who care very deeply about humanity and democracy. These are tumultuous times to say the least. At a minimum, check on your wellbeing. Don’t shame yourself for not being able to get stuff done at a normal rate. Give yourself grace. One day at a time.

The more you love yourself and infuse yourself with grace and compassion, the more we bring that to the collective.

I’m here for massive healing. It begins within ourselves.

If you want to be a part of my special group program, the Courage Connection, where we engage in massive healing for ourselves first, just hit reply to this email. I’d love to have a conversation with you about how the group will support you as you become your own Dr. Burns.

With Love and Courage,