Stop Being Nice
I want you to feel hopeful, secure, and empowered about yourself and your life today and tomorrow and next week and next year. We cannot wait for the external circumstances of our current reality to change in order for us to feel better. Each day that goes by, I’m noticing an increasing level of despair and overwhelm, of discouragement and exhaustion. We are working so hard to put smiles on our faces and show up for our people, our work and our lives. If I see another post complaining about 2020, my head might spin off. Why? Because, news flash, 2021 isn’t going to be radically different. The year doesn’t owe us anything. We owe ourselves a whole lot!
It is time to take the reins of our emotions, our self-agency – of our lives. Where do we start? Well, there’s a gazillion places we can. Today, I’m bringing you an invitation to make a seemingly small shift in how you choose to think and act that will lead to big changes in how you show up for yourself, and how you feel over time.
Stop being nice! (Please.)
I grew up in a part of the country where nice is put on a pedestal. Be nice. Act nice. Play nice. Gross! Don’t be nice to me. It feels so fake. I don’t know how to respond to fake because I don’t do fake anymore. Freedom!
It’s time for you to free yourself of “nice” too! Want to know more? Ready to be real?
But Jill, times are tough. Why in the world would you be telling me to stop being nice? Don’t we need more nice in the world? No. No we do not.
Nice is SO fake. It is a weird, fear-based choice we make subconsciously based on how our brains are programmed from whole lot of external factors that are impressed upon us growing up. Nice is a road to nowhere good – unless you want to live in the land of resentment and disempowerment.
Examples of being nice:
I’m afraid that she doesn’t (or won’t) like me, so I act nice to get her to like me.
I’m afraid that I won’t be included, so I fake nice, so I get the invite and avoid FOLO.
I say “yes” to the thing (i.e. taking on the extra project or volunteering) even though I don’t have time for fear of letting someone down, not being invited next time, or for fear of some other kind of retribution.
I’m afraid that I won’t get the job – or worse, that I’ll be fired, so I fake nice
So we say “yes”, buy the thing we don’t even want, pretend – essentially voluntarily give ourselves (our time, our money, our energy) away to someone else so that we can gain something from them. Gain what? Validation of our worthiness and enoughness? Gain a sense of belonging. Eww. Can you see how this gets yucky? How being nice is not only fake, it can be manipulative?
I know! I hear you. You don’t want to be a total jerk. You are a “nice person”. So how do you stop trying to get from others, and instead come from a place of love and truth and empowerment – without being a jerk?
Kind says, “No.” Kind says, “Not this time.” Kind says, “I’m cheering you on, and I don’t want to buy your product at this time.” Kind says, “I have to give my best energy to the projects I’m currently working on. Ask me again in the future.” And when Kind says, “yes,” it is free of resentment and fear. Kind is clean and clear. Kind is real. It is truthful. It is powerful. It is a love-based choice. Kind is wise.
Kind is love – for ourselves and for others.
What do we need in this world? More love. All day.
Start here. Be aware of when you are being nice and get curious about why. Notice where you can shift to kind. If you want to feel better in these crazy times, start with noticing and awareness around the concept of nice vs. kind.
Remember, friend: YOU are enough. You are worthy. You are kind. Love, validation, and belonging come from within yourself and your connection to your Higher Power. (We can’t get them from someone else until you give it to yourself first.)
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